Rant: New Phase

 I feel that I have moved into a new phase.  I’m frustrated.  I’m tired.  I’m sick of living this way.   I’m sick of feeling scared, of being so fucking restricted.  I’m tired of the gloom and doom in the news;  I’m tired of Trump and the insurgence in Washington and the fear around the inauguration next week and the awful rising covid numbers and waiting for the vaccine and the winter and the cold and the dark and the snow and the wind.  I’m tired of being on pause.   I’m tired of pretending and waiting and knowing it could be worse.  I’m tired of knowing I’m lucky and counting my blessings and working so hard to be positive.  I’m tired of being isolated and alone and lonely.  I’m tired of my routine and having to have coping mechanisms.  I’m tired of the suspended animation that has become my life.